okay, none of this is enough to make a blog on it's own, but one of my friends suggested i should post the random status crap i spew on facebook. so here's a ton of it...
Bah. While shaving, and errant strand (read chunk) of my hair fell in the razor's path. I now have layers in part of my do. I can see where this day is going. Pisser!
Just saw a sign outside a kansas church that said "god warned noah. Did he warn your family? Its like "you deserved to drown, sorry your socks are wet". Yikes
hmmmm....the friends in my head say majority rules...i'm out numbered
the mean girl in me wants to pitch a hissy and do damage. the rest of us are holding her down and duct-taping her hands and mouth. she's such a problem...
Some people have gotten too big for their britches...and others have simply crammed them up their bums, along with their heads
"You can figure out how to program the car to display your name on the presets but can't find the odometer and gas mileage???" Priorities dipshit. Priorities
Yesterday I got to clean up poo...I wonder what today will bring :S
Buzz! Wrong answer!!!
The advantage of kids being gone ...drumsticks for breakfast every day :)
Dipshit says it might be a good idea to put the drumsticks in a vending machine so I have to pay to eat them and it might slow me down...in the meantime, I better have one for breakfast...
Mouse in my house! Mouse in my house! Gak gak gak!!!
Wishes you could swat annoying people the way you do flies
Oh. My. Gawd. Something in the garage smells positiviely death on a stick foul. Bullfrog noise )~(
Dear talladega nights baby jesus please keep me from pummeling the crap out of the the idiots driving cars in lincoln today
Dear birthday faerie, you are being a shithead this year. Make with the prezzies and stop with the gaggifts you squishyfaced biotch. Much luv, becky
Chele says I need to update my status...I choose "whatthefuckever"
Monday, October 15, 2012
Saturday, August 25, 2012
breakfast of champions!
since being diagnosed with celiac sprue (look it up) i have struggled finding things that, ahem, settle in my digestive system. so when i do, you are darn tootin' that i consume as much as i can.
so this particular morning, i am grubbing through the fridge, desperately wanting a bowl of cocco pebbles, but knowing it is absolutely NOT worth the hassle.and i happen upon last nite's leftover pork chops. nom nom nom. i sealed one in a ziplock baggie and went on my merry way.
after dropping the kids at school i find myself extroidinarily famished. dying even. and thinking the po' chop is looking mighty fine.
at the next stop light i snare it from the passenger seat, remove the plastic and gingerly wrap the baggie around it so as not to cover myself in meat juice. i continue to drive, gnoshing on my tasty chopsicile, happy as a clam. breakfast never tasted so fantastic.
until three bites in i drop the damn thing on the floor, under the gas pedal. i think i may have cried the rest of the way to work.
so this particular morning, i am grubbing through the fridge, desperately wanting a bowl of cocco pebbles, but knowing it is absolutely NOT worth the hassle.and i happen upon last nite's leftover pork chops. nom nom nom. i sealed one in a ziplock baggie and went on my merry way.
after dropping the kids at school i find myself extroidinarily famished. dying even. and thinking the po' chop is looking mighty fine.
at the next stop light i snare it from the passenger seat, remove the plastic and gingerly wrap the baggie around it so as not to cover myself in meat juice. i continue to drive, gnoshing on my tasty chopsicile, happy as a clam. breakfast never tasted so fantastic.
until three bites in i drop the damn thing on the floor, under the gas pedal. i think i may have cried the rest of the way to work.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
buhjizzles!
hi dear readers, i AM BACK. as in here, present and accounted for. also as in, where the hell have i been. lost my friends, i have been lost. (ps: if you'd like to know anything about the shitty stalking laws in nenbraska, or how difficult it is to obtain a protection order, ask me. and in a bloggy or two, we my talk about what it constitutes to be "nice"). but we'll save that for another time and swing you back into 'sarah' full throttle with some random beckypostings! most of this crap is my facebook statuses...enjoy!!!
So as we go to let the praying mantis "buddy" free, Dom hands me the jar and says "you get to mom". I say "oh, so you're saying you want it to jump on my face and not yours?" he giggles and says "yes. Your skin is older and rougher than mine and it won't scratch you up as much".
Damn if that thing didn't jump on me and turn me into a flailing idiot.
Sweet geezus the dog just shit in my bed. Not just shit but ran it thru a salad shooter across the bed and my clean laundry shit on my bed. Arrrrrrrrrgh
To the dick who shot thru the roundabout yield and had to take the curb to keep from t-boning me: my devil may care attitude and faith in the legal right of way is bigger than your suburban. Don't expect me to jam on my brakes because you can't follow traffic signs.
I was writing Dom's bday invites today and put "wear your swimsuit" on each one. Except one...which I wrote "wear your helmet". Doh!
It's probably inappropriate to get birthday party invites with a martini on them for the ten year old huh?
who in the hell sneezes themselves awake??? Effing who? Ouch Gawd damnit
Fantastic. Just discovered I've had my skivies on inside out all day. Id say that pretty much sums up my entire life lately
Just a start. or a warning. call it what you will. to quote sir elton, "the bitch is back!!!"
So as we go to let the praying mantis "buddy" free, Dom hands me the jar and says "you get to mom". I say "oh, so you're saying you want it to jump on my face and not yours?" he giggles and says "yes. Your skin is older and rougher than mine and it won't scratch you up as much".
Damn if that thing didn't jump on me and turn me into a flailing idiot.
Sweet geezus the dog just shit in my bed. Not just shit but ran it thru a salad shooter across the bed and my clean laundry shit on my bed. Arrrrrrrrrgh
To the dick who shot thru the roundabout yield and had to take the curb to keep from t-boning me: my devil may care attitude and faith in the legal right of way is bigger than your suburban. Don't expect me to jam on my brakes because you can't follow traffic signs.
I was writing Dom's bday invites today and put "wear your swimsuit" on each one. Except one...which I wrote "wear your helmet". Doh!
It's probably inappropriate to get birthday party invites with a martini on them for the ten year old huh?
who in the hell sneezes themselves awake??? Effing who? Ouch Gawd damnit
Fantastic. Just discovered I've had my skivies on inside out all day. Id say that pretty much sums up my entire life lately
Just a start. or a warning. call it what you will. to quote sir elton, "the bitch is back!!!"
Sunday, April 29, 2012
less than sarah
this is not a normal surviving sarah post. this is simply a time when i need to express myself and absolutley no one will understand but i have to "talk" about it because of all the feelings i have and i don't understand any of them. i have no witticisms, no quirky message, nothing that is even remotely funny to make anyone feel more at ease with their bipolar child or quips on how to deal with your equally crazy lives. i just need to go on with a bit of ororrhea and then be done.
the last couple weeks have been horrible. simply horrible. bailey's thyroid is completely screwed up again. her TSH is FIVE TIMES the normal limit and her goiter makes her look like a bullfrog. her T3 is "critically low". and she's failing algebra. as in a 48 failing. not to mention she is relentless on the bitch factor these days.
dominic. ugh. so the nurse practioner at the psych's office said he didn't think he had adhd and took him off his meds. put him on something for ocd. BACKFIRE. dominic had some kind of...i don't want to say breakdown, but i swear he had an allergic reaction to the stuff they put him on. all sorts of weird anxiety behaviors-like litterally picking all the skin of the ends of his fingers, plus a lot of verbal hostility. yes, the kid everyone calls "the good one". i officially was at my end and talked the NP into a different drug-one for anxiety and adhd. almost two weeks and he's show improvement. not fine, but better.
the dog. oh yes, we got a rescue dog. i love her. i do. but if she eats one more screen door/stuffed animal/roll of toilet paper...i will go cruella de vil on her and turn her into a coat.
and finally, the entire point of this pariticular conversation...if you know me well, or even follow me here, you know i am adopted. you also know that i have met my birth mother and that the end result was less than productive. there are positive things that i gained from it-like medical records, and family history, and getting to know my "aunt" linda and spend some time with her before she was diagnosed with cancer and died. and getting to know my "uncle" patrick and learn about his family, and the things he told me about her before she wasn't at her best.
after linda died and i went thru my divorce, i lost track of patrick. my birthmom and i only communicated thru my yearly birthday card and christmas cards. in the last couple years, i had gotten terrible about sending the christmas card. heck i don't send them to anyone anymore. there have been a number of times i picked up my birthday that she had sent me with her new address in it and thought about sending a "just because" letter...to let her know i'm okay, that the kids are growing, and that life is moving on. but i haven't. i also keep telling myself i need to write to patrick and his wife and see how they are doing. while my birthmom is more than left of center, her sister and brother are really amazing people.
so last week in the midst of all this crap that's going on, i think, hey! i wonder if patrick is on facebook! gawd bless facebook, social wonder that it is...and isn't. so i look him up and sure enough, he is! friend request sent. and astonishingly, answered rather quickly. i was so pleased as i was worried that after a few years, he might think i was encroaching on his privacy. but no, he was so welcoming. and then queries that i must have heard the news.
news? no. no news.
we had a phone conversation the next day. unfortunately it was interupted by real rush hour traffic for him. but the jist is this...my mother is obese. short and squat. and of poor health-linda had shared some of her habits with me and none were good. contact with a physician? not in years. now, this is where the traffic part comes in, and patrick had to get off the phone. but not before he got to tell me that my birth mom has died. last fall.
now as i'm typing this, i find myself tearing up, just like i did as i hung up with him. i think i said "oh..." and i know i said something "gosh i'm so sorry". part of me is so sad. for him and his brother who have lost both their sisters. for kathy, who, if my math is right, was only 58 or 59, as she was just nineteen when she had me. and let me tell you, for as nutty as she acted with me in the recent past, i consider her to be very brave and fantastic for doing what she did and bringing me into the world. especially since her original intentions were quite different. i don't know if i've mentioned it, but she went in for a consult for an abortion with the doctor who wound up delivering me. in my opinion, there are much easier routes that a young, unwed, pregnant girl in the seventies can take. the doc somehow talked her into carrying and giving me up for adoption to a nice couple he was treating for fertility issues. for all she had become, i find her extrodinarily courageous.
and i'm a little sad for me. but i don't even know why. and on the other hand, i feel terribly guilty that i don't feel more. i mean, i barely had any relationship with this woman because of the lunacy that followed our initial meeting. but she was the reason i even am. so i feel like i should feel so much more at the news of her untimely death. this also has pushed me into somewhat of an identity crisis. i'm not even sure i'm supposed to feel, and that makes me feel worse.
so here i sit, in complete confusion. feeling a little beaten down, more than frustrated, and kind of alone.
the last couple weeks have been horrible. simply horrible. bailey's thyroid is completely screwed up again. her TSH is FIVE TIMES the normal limit and her goiter makes her look like a bullfrog. her T3 is "critically low". and she's failing algebra. as in a 48 failing. not to mention she is relentless on the bitch factor these days.
dominic. ugh. so the nurse practioner at the psych's office said he didn't think he had adhd and took him off his meds. put him on something for ocd. BACKFIRE. dominic had some kind of...i don't want to say breakdown, but i swear he had an allergic reaction to the stuff they put him on. all sorts of weird anxiety behaviors-like litterally picking all the skin of the ends of his fingers, plus a lot of verbal hostility. yes, the kid everyone calls "the good one". i officially was at my end and talked the NP into a different drug-one for anxiety and adhd. almost two weeks and he's show improvement. not fine, but better.
the dog. oh yes, we got a rescue dog. i love her. i do. but if she eats one more screen door/stuffed animal/roll of toilet paper...i will go cruella de vil on her and turn her into a coat.
and finally, the entire point of this pariticular conversation...if you know me well, or even follow me here, you know i am adopted. you also know that i have met my birth mother and that the end result was less than productive. there are positive things that i gained from it-like medical records, and family history, and getting to know my "aunt" linda and spend some time with her before she was diagnosed with cancer and died. and getting to know my "uncle" patrick and learn about his family, and the things he told me about her before she wasn't at her best.
after linda died and i went thru my divorce, i lost track of patrick. my birthmom and i only communicated thru my yearly birthday card and christmas cards. in the last couple years, i had gotten terrible about sending the christmas card. heck i don't send them to anyone anymore. there have been a number of times i picked up my birthday that she had sent me with her new address in it and thought about sending a "just because" letter...to let her know i'm okay, that the kids are growing, and that life is moving on. but i haven't. i also keep telling myself i need to write to patrick and his wife and see how they are doing. while my birthmom is more than left of center, her sister and brother are really amazing people.
so last week in the midst of all this crap that's going on, i think, hey! i wonder if patrick is on facebook! gawd bless facebook, social wonder that it is...and isn't. so i look him up and sure enough, he is! friend request sent. and astonishingly, answered rather quickly. i was so pleased as i was worried that after a few years, he might think i was encroaching on his privacy. but no, he was so welcoming. and then queries that i must have heard the news.
news? no. no news.
we had a phone conversation the next day. unfortunately it was interupted by real rush hour traffic for him. but the jist is this...my mother is obese. short and squat. and of poor health-linda had shared some of her habits with me and none were good. contact with a physician? not in years. now, this is where the traffic part comes in, and patrick had to get off the phone. but not before he got to tell me that my birth mom has died. last fall.
now as i'm typing this, i find myself tearing up, just like i did as i hung up with him. i think i said "oh..." and i know i said something "gosh i'm so sorry". part of me is so sad. for him and his brother who have lost both their sisters. for kathy, who, if my math is right, was only 58 or 59, as she was just nineteen when she had me. and let me tell you, for as nutty as she acted with me in the recent past, i consider her to be very brave and fantastic for doing what she did and bringing me into the world. especially since her original intentions were quite different. i don't know if i've mentioned it, but she went in for a consult for an abortion with the doctor who wound up delivering me. in my opinion, there are much easier routes that a young, unwed, pregnant girl in the seventies can take. the doc somehow talked her into carrying and giving me up for adoption to a nice couple he was treating for fertility issues. for all she had become, i find her extrodinarily courageous.
and i'm a little sad for me. but i don't even know why. and on the other hand, i feel terribly guilty that i don't feel more. i mean, i barely had any relationship with this woman because of the lunacy that followed our initial meeting. but she was the reason i even am. so i feel like i should feel so much more at the news of her untimely death. this also has pushed me into somewhat of an identity crisis. i'm not even sure i'm supposed to feel, and that makes me feel worse.
so here i sit, in complete confusion. feeling a little beaten down, more than frustrated, and kind of alone.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I'm BAAAAAAACK!!!
so, obviously i've been on some sort of hiatus. you can read that as "my lame ass gave up on blogging for a while". i don't know why. things have been hectic, but that's not new. it was suggested to me that i'm happier when i'm writing, which is true. and then, twice in three days, i was told, unsolicited in conversation, mind you, that i am an excellent writer. that i could make a living doing this. i have never been more flattered!
i have SO MANY tales to regale-life has been an epic whirlwind this year. however, since i have been such a derlict lately, i figure it is going to take a whamo of a blog to suck some of you back in. so i shall pull from the depths, one of my favorites, involving some of my favorite people...the early childhood education folks. :)
in 2001 i was set to turn thrity, which for me was a no big deal birthday. the day before, i started a new job. in my former life, i was a very successful early childhood education director. i also, was known for being a bit of a hatchetman. a lot of facilities had hired me to come in and "clean up" their programming and staff-i was renouned for quality program and the ability to turn profit in even the shoddiest of care programs. my reputation preceeded me and any time i was hired on, staff members knew change was in the air. that reputation included being a hard-ass, but also being a consistent and fair boss, with a great sense of decency...and a twisted sense of humor.
now, i was absolutely floored when i arrived on my second day and my office was decorated and the whole center was wishing me happiness. apparently the owners had leaked to everyone so that i would feel loved. it probably was in the top two birthdays i've had as an adult-the other being the grand pink spectacular last year. i was just completely enamoured with the thought that these teachers gave their all to me without knowing me...and knowing my reputation and what i was really there for.
so the birthday was awesome and got me started off with a different respect for this new staff. although i swept broad and fast on changes, the ebb and flow was smoother than usual, and much easier than i expected. it was a different environment quickly, not to mention that after briefly reinterviewing for their positions, there were several teachers i could tell were keepers.
so maybe in my third week, two of those gals that i had mentally tapped as future leaders/supervisors came to my office and asked if i had a minute. one who would become one of my most favorites ever, cady, was holding a dora backpack. i was working on the badly neglected food program and really welcomed the break, so i shuffled them in. cady begins telling me about the two year old room's show and share time-their process was that all the kiddos would grab their pack and dump the share items they had brought from home in the middle of the circle, then each child would be called to retrieve his or her item and talk about it. cady tells me how today only about half the kids have stuff, and the pile wasn't very large. a wee one named lara dumped her baggie and cady and her co-teacher weren't quite sure how to handle the contents.
i'm listening to all this intently, as this is the first time any of the staff had approached me to handle a classroom problem. all the other times, changes or issues had been intiated by me. so when cady says "i just do not know what should be done about this", i smile and say "so what did lara bring?"
cady unzips the dora pack and turns it upside down on my desk. out rolls the biggest, purplest dildo i have ever seen in my life. not only does it start buzzing when it hits the desk, but presumes to switch it self automatically to different speeds, quivering itself across my state-funded program paperwork.
i simply sit back in my chair, look at cady and say that i'll call the parents and handle it. cady said something like "how do i even give this back to her mom?" and i smile and reassure her that i've got it covered and just to go back to her class. cady thanks me and trots out of my office. and i sit back again, then stand to capture it with the dora pack.
suddenly, i hear uproarious laughter outside my door. cady and a few other teachers are standing there gasping for air. a couple of them say how they can't believe how calm i was and straight faced. cady is dying-the gag was all her idea and very carefully planned out. she said they could possibly believe that i was as cool and collected as they'd heard, and that she was impressed. and at that point i completely lost it and it took me a while to stop laughing. "hey," i said, " you never know what some kid is going to fish out of their hidey hole to bring to show and share. gotta be prepared."
i have SO MANY tales to regale-life has been an epic whirlwind this year. however, since i have been such a derlict lately, i figure it is going to take a whamo of a blog to suck some of you back in. so i shall pull from the depths, one of my favorites, involving some of my favorite people...the early childhood education folks. :)
in 2001 i was set to turn thrity, which for me was a no big deal birthday. the day before, i started a new job. in my former life, i was a very successful early childhood education director. i also, was known for being a bit of a hatchetman. a lot of facilities had hired me to come in and "clean up" their programming and staff-i was renouned for quality program and the ability to turn profit in even the shoddiest of care programs. my reputation preceeded me and any time i was hired on, staff members knew change was in the air. that reputation included being a hard-ass, but also being a consistent and fair boss, with a great sense of decency...and a twisted sense of humor.
now, i was absolutely floored when i arrived on my second day and my office was decorated and the whole center was wishing me happiness. apparently the owners had leaked to everyone so that i would feel loved. it probably was in the top two birthdays i've had as an adult-the other being the grand pink spectacular last year. i was just completely enamoured with the thought that these teachers gave their all to me without knowing me...and knowing my reputation and what i was really there for.
so the birthday was awesome and got me started off with a different respect for this new staff. although i swept broad and fast on changes, the ebb and flow was smoother than usual, and much easier than i expected. it was a different environment quickly, not to mention that after briefly reinterviewing for their positions, there were several teachers i could tell were keepers.
so maybe in my third week, two of those gals that i had mentally tapped as future leaders/supervisors came to my office and asked if i had a minute. one who would become one of my most favorites ever, cady, was holding a dora backpack. i was working on the badly neglected food program and really welcomed the break, so i shuffled them in. cady begins telling me about the two year old room's show and share time-their process was that all the kiddos would grab their pack and dump the share items they had brought from home in the middle of the circle, then each child would be called to retrieve his or her item and talk about it. cady tells me how today only about half the kids have stuff, and the pile wasn't very large. a wee one named lara dumped her baggie and cady and her co-teacher weren't quite sure how to handle the contents.
i'm listening to all this intently, as this is the first time any of the staff had approached me to handle a classroom problem. all the other times, changes or issues had been intiated by me. so when cady says "i just do not know what should be done about this", i smile and say "so what did lara bring?"
cady unzips the dora pack and turns it upside down on my desk. out rolls the biggest, purplest dildo i have ever seen in my life. not only does it start buzzing when it hits the desk, but presumes to switch it self automatically to different speeds, quivering itself across my state-funded program paperwork.
i simply sit back in my chair, look at cady and say that i'll call the parents and handle it. cady said something like "how do i even give this back to her mom?" and i smile and reassure her that i've got it covered and just to go back to her class. cady thanks me and trots out of my office. and i sit back again, then stand to capture it with the dora pack.
suddenly, i hear uproarious laughter outside my door. cady and a few other teachers are standing there gasping for air. a couple of them say how they can't believe how calm i was and straight faced. cady is dying-the gag was all her idea and very carefully planned out. she said they could possibly believe that i was as cool and collected as they'd heard, and that she was impressed. and at that point i completely lost it and it took me a while to stop laughing. "hey," i said, " you never know what some kid is going to fish out of their hidey hole to bring to show and share. gotta be prepared."
Saturday, August 6, 2011
blog blog pollywog
okay, i am ultra uber pissed at this day so be patient with me. tonite, i am supposed to be at gay cabarret (yes it's exactly what it sounds like) with dear old friends from college, who might i add are in from houston, but after checking the bank books, i've found that those two extra unplanned trips to o-town at $76 per tank have pretty much bankrupted me. so not only am i missing that, but i missed huny on his way out so i can't hitch a ride to watch him race. AND there's no food in the house so i am reduced to eating a tomato sammich-which normally i would relish and crave, but tonite just seems like poor folks' food. this is my last kid-free nite (the spawn have been with the grandparents for almost a month) and i really expected that i would finish off my mini-vaca with a bit more of a bang. frizzle.
but, this kind of goes with everything that has happened this week. last nite, huny and i went to planet of the apes-great flick, worth theatre money. funny thing is, our town had some little lightening strikes last nite that surged power in the theatre...forcing the movie to stop on five separate occasions. now i'm patient (snicker) so we sat as it took fifteen minutes each time to restart it...especially since they promised us free passes at the end. well worth it as i had no where else to be, because prior to that, our race got rained out...after huny had taken the car out and gotten all prepped up.
right now, i'm debating cleaning the basement and dealing with the laundry because my house is starting to look like an episode of hoarders. i'm sure the kids (and my mom) think that i've spent their entire period of absence cleaning and being a domestic slave. fat chance...i leave this poo til the last minute possible and speed wash the entire house. i'm thinking of covering it all in linoleum so that i can just hose it off five minutes before everyone gets home. as you can tell, that may be necessary, as i've managed to find something else to do instead of the chores at hand. :)
so, i'm desparately trying to be bloggerific and am coming up with some creative reading so i don't bore all of us to death, and so that my kids come home to dirty skivies...
but, this kind of goes with everything that has happened this week. last nite, huny and i went to planet of the apes-great flick, worth theatre money. funny thing is, our town had some little lightening strikes last nite that surged power in the theatre...forcing the movie to stop on five separate occasions. now i'm patient (snicker) so we sat as it took fifteen minutes each time to restart it...especially since they promised us free passes at the end. well worth it as i had no where else to be, because prior to that, our race got rained out...after huny had taken the car out and gotten all prepped up.
right now, i'm debating cleaning the basement and dealing with the laundry because my house is starting to look like an episode of hoarders. i'm sure the kids (and my mom) think that i've spent their entire period of absence cleaning and being a domestic slave. fat chance...i leave this poo til the last minute possible and speed wash the entire house. i'm thinking of covering it all in linoleum so that i can just hose it off five minutes before everyone gets home. as you can tell, that may be necessary, as i've managed to find something else to do instead of the chores at hand. :)
so, i'm desparately trying to be bloggerific and am coming up with some creative reading so i don't bore all of us to death, and so that my kids come home to dirty skivies...
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
birrrrrrrfday caaaaaaake!
i turned the big 4-0 this year! and unbelievably, i am perfectly fine with this. lots of my friends have completely gone of the deep end with the age panic. i, however, think i am better than i've ever been...like wine. no, not fruity and pungent, but better with age!
so, i decided to have this big party. huny at first was trying to plan a surprise party, but since he couldn't get the help he needed from my friends, he let it slip one nite and i took over. it caused a bit of stink in fact, which, to make another long story short, ended in me screaming "I WANT TO WEAR A PINK TUTU AND A TIARA!!!". (i did. want to. and did wear those two things for my party...but that's another story that revolves around my bedroom looking like a glitter faerie puked all over the place, or that we'd had a whole lotta strippers staying with us). we billed it as "beck's fantabulous fortieth pink party!!!". yeah, you guessed it...everything pink, including the guests. and food.
never again.
i thought i would try my hand at red velvet cake balls. heck my kids made them with the nanny and they were fantastic. my friend h. marie knocks them out like nobody's business, so with bakerella instructions, i set off to make three hundred pristine little pink confections. have i mentioned sometimes my ocd is more noticable than others? i'm thinking this would come in handy for an occassion such as this, like when i clean the station at work. everybody at work laughs, but we all know it's the best way to get good results.
i followed the directions and was at the ball dipping stage. the first i did with a spoon and it was a work of art. placed it in the center of the platter and went to balls, two, three and four, making a tight and tidy little circle inside to out. pretty pretty pretty.
ball five slipped off the spoon and got a dent in the side, so i fished it out of the almond bark and set it on a tea cup plate, where my rejects were to go. ball six must not have been rolled quite right, as it left a smal glob of cake in the bark. by this time the bark was hardening so i reheated it in the microwave, like the recipe said to. but forgot to remove the cake particles. and didn't notice...
let me spare you the agony of what ensued and just say this: i had intended to have these perfectly round, pink-tinged, smooth cake balls to drizzle hot pink squiggies on. and my guests would oh and ahh and delight in the perfection that were my cake balls.
not even close to reality.
i had cake wads. cake lugees. i had cake globs that were covered in almond bark AND funky little pink lumps that came from other cake balls, which apparently were attempting to sow their seeds in the melted bark. i would never imagined from the "simple" instructions and "appealing" pictures that i would have cake balls that looked like bloody eyeballs on a platter. this was not a birthday treat...this was a halloween freak show. after 60 cake plops (yes, this is what they were evetually dubbed), i gave up. i hid them in the basement fridge, and went to the store for angel food cake. THAT i know i can make. soon my kitchen was aglow with hot pink angel food (okay, one i bumped and it deflated, causing uproarious giggles from my children, who were immediately shot the stink eye and fled the baking disaster area), and the task was done. the color from the cakes made my kitchen look like a tim burton movie-and i thought it was beautiful. (And my bff jiffer was making a raspberry almond creme cake as part of my gift, so i knew i was safe. that and the 18 bottles of wine i bought for our guests). and i saved the day.
until one of my guests asked about the cake plops. and SOMEONE snuck them out of the fridge and laid them in the middle of the snack table. hideous and looking a bit like melted bird poop, they stuck to the platter...and then were consumed like a hot commodity. ugly as the back end of a cat, but dubbed the most dellicious snack at the party.
oh, and i ROCKED that tutu :)
so, i decided to have this big party. huny at first was trying to plan a surprise party, but since he couldn't get the help he needed from my friends, he let it slip one nite and i took over. it caused a bit of stink in fact, which, to make another long story short, ended in me screaming "I WANT TO WEAR A PINK TUTU AND A TIARA!!!". (i did. want to. and did wear those two things for my party...but that's another story that revolves around my bedroom looking like a glitter faerie puked all over the place, or that we'd had a whole lotta strippers staying with us). we billed it as "beck's fantabulous fortieth pink party!!!". yeah, you guessed it...everything pink, including the guests. and food.
never again.
i thought i would try my hand at red velvet cake balls. heck my kids made them with the nanny and they were fantastic. my friend h. marie knocks them out like nobody's business, so with bakerella instructions, i set off to make three hundred pristine little pink confections. have i mentioned sometimes my ocd is more noticable than others? i'm thinking this would come in handy for an occassion such as this, like when i clean the station at work. everybody at work laughs, but we all know it's the best way to get good results.
i followed the directions and was at the ball dipping stage. the first i did with a spoon and it was a work of art. placed it in the center of the platter and went to balls, two, three and four, making a tight and tidy little circle inside to out. pretty pretty pretty.
ball five slipped off the spoon and got a dent in the side, so i fished it out of the almond bark and set it on a tea cup plate, where my rejects were to go. ball six must not have been rolled quite right, as it left a smal glob of cake in the bark. by this time the bark was hardening so i reheated it in the microwave, like the recipe said to. but forgot to remove the cake particles. and didn't notice...
let me spare you the agony of what ensued and just say this: i had intended to have these perfectly round, pink-tinged, smooth cake balls to drizzle hot pink squiggies on. and my guests would oh and ahh and delight in the perfection that were my cake balls.
not even close to reality.
i had cake wads. cake lugees. i had cake globs that were covered in almond bark AND funky little pink lumps that came from other cake balls, which apparently were attempting to sow their seeds in the melted bark. i would never imagined from the "simple" instructions and "appealing" pictures that i would have cake balls that looked like bloody eyeballs on a platter. this was not a birthday treat...this was a halloween freak show. after 60 cake plops (yes, this is what they were evetually dubbed), i gave up. i hid them in the basement fridge, and went to the store for angel food cake. THAT i know i can make. soon my kitchen was aglow with hot pink angel food (okay, one i bumped and it deflated, causing uproarious giggles from my children, who were immediately shot the stink eye and fled the baking disaster area), and the task was done. the color from the cakes made my kitchen look like a tim burton movie-and i thought it was beautiful. (And my bff jiffer was making a raspberry almond creme cake as part of my gift, so i knew i was safe. that and the 18 bottles of wine i bought for our guests). and i saved the day.
until one of my guests asked about the cake plops. and SOMEONE snuck them out of the fridge and laid them in the middle of the snack table. hideous and looking a bit like melted bird poop, they stuck to the platter...and then were consumed like a hot commodity. ugly as the back end of a cat, but dubbed the most dellicious snack at the party.
oh, and i ROCKED that tutu :)
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