you wonder where i get it from? i have been surrounded with humor all my life. i have the same quirky, dry wit that my father does, which i inheritted from his father as well (i loved my poppa jack dearly, he was the source of much of my childhood happiness, and a fantastic partner in crime). so really, the stuff that pops out of my mouth most days should not come as any surprise to my family, or those in close contact with me during my raising.
my dad LUVS bill cosby and i swear he was trying to be the man's pasty counterpart. i can not tell you how many times he would quip him, or come up with stuff i swear mister jello pudding pop himself would have been proud to quote. so i grew up with cosby-wisdom...never really expecting a straight answer. for example...
when i took off for college three hours from home, i, of course, still called my dad with every little problem, especially when it had to do with my pony. while i was perfectly capable of basic care, there where still things about her that mistified me.
one weekend i called him about a "funny thing" the steering wheel was doing. the car felt loose and just wasn't right. i spent a good five minutes explaining to him what it had been doing, and then another telling him how genuinely concerned i was about my well-being driving her, as well as her health and well-being as a functioning automobile. my dad listen patiently, inserting the proper "uh-huh" as warranted. i was truly distraught that penny (named for her two-tone copper body) might be failing me, and i was going to explain it thoroughly so that jerry would understand and perhaps even FEEL the steering issue, regardless of our 150 mile gap.
"so whaddaya think?" i questioned when i felt i had spilled out every detail. dad thought deeply, i could tell by the "hmmmmmmm" noise he made before answering. "well beck, it sounds like it's the nut behind the wheel." "oh really?" i said, "well what do we...HEY!!!" :)
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
how was my day?!?
one of my friends on facebook was giving me crap about not blogging in eons (guilty), and then, after obviously reading my numberous statuses (IE: illtemperedandsuperpissedoffsoleavemethefuckalone) asks "how was your day?"...
you're kidding me right?!? now, those who don't know me, wouldn't know that mondays are one of my busiest days. it's a shitstorm to say the least, and that's if nothing goes wrong. but if you do know me, and this fair amgio does, you know that if i say 'go away, i bite", i damn well mean it, especially the biting part.
so, you giant poopstick, i am blogging...and telling you how my day went.
granted, i am crabtastic because nothing, NOTHING, seems to be feng shui lately. both huny and i have been bitten by the can't afford a vacation bug, so we are both pissy and on edge, and being on edge makes both of us more on edge. these days i don't even breathe right, and he is making me bonkers with the insentive crap that rolls out of his mouth. it's like i don't even recognize us. now fortunately, i've been really good at biting my tongue...not so good at keeping the disgusted looks off my face. we're both stubborn as hell so you can see where this is getting us.
aside from that, miss is not getting anywhere with the endocrinologist-we were back two weeks ago and were supposed to have results by the middle of last week. i've called twice and can't seem to get a call back. so we all know who's going to make one more polite call then go completely apeshit. AND she's been more than a bit of a rag with her teenangst, and i'm pretty much tired of that.
finally, the boy hasn't listened worth a crap for almost a month and i'm ready to pummel him...and it's worse cuz he looks more like the demon groom every day, so when he twists his face up in that smirk, i want to put a sack over it. on top of it, he got injured at soccer sunday...full-force toe kick to the neck, and now we're going to run up some more doc bills making sure his head isn't going to fall off.
so when you ask me how may day went, even if you mean it in casual conversation, it's likely your'e going to get an earful. so, let me tell you...
as i sit in my car, the outside temperature ninetyfreakinfive degrees on a soccer field with no damn shade, i have not showered from work. this is relevant because, dear reader, as i went to cram the garbage down in a can so my doc could drop crud into it, a large cloud of dead skin poofed into my face and hair. thank gawd i had my mouth shut or i would have inhaled all that (working wound care has taught me to keep the trap closed during debridements), unfortunately, i had just applied fresh gloss, so about a fifth of that stuck to my lips. ACK ACK ACK!!! as quickly as i could leave the room (read oh fucking hell i was stuck there for another maybe five minutes, tears welling up as i stiffled back the spew), i ran to the station sink and splashed water on my face and towelled off. then turned to the mirror to discover debridement dandruff in my hair, like tiny flesh snowflakes. (can you see me making the bullfrog noise here? cuz it happened. in fact it's happening again right now).
THAT is how my day went...and that's only about ten minutes of it.
you're kidding me right?!? now, those who don't know me, wouldn't know that mondays are one of my busiest days. it's a shitstorm to say the least, and that's if nothing goes wrong. but if you do know me, and this fair amgio does, you know that if i say 'go away, i bite", i damn well mean it, especially the biting part.
so, you giant poopstick, i am blogging...and telling you how my day went.
granted, i am crabtastic because nothing, NOTHING, seems to be feng shui lately. both huny and i have been bitten by the can't afford a vacation bug, so we are both pissy and on edge, and being on edge makes both of us more on edge. these days i don't even breathe right, and he is making me bonkers with the insentive crap that rolls out of his mouth. it's like i don't even recognize us. now fortunately, i've been really good at biting my tongue...not so good at keeping the disgusted looks off my face. we're both stubborn as hell so you can see where this is getting us.
aside from that, miss is not getting anywhere with the endocrinologist-we were back two weeks ago and were supposed to have results by the middle of last week. i've called twice and can't seem to get a call back. so we all know who's going to make one more polite call then go completely apeshit. AND she's been more than a bit of a rag with her teenangst, and i'm pretty much tired of that.
finally, the boy hasn't listened worth a crap for almost a month and i'm ready to pummel him...and it's worse cuz he looks more like the demon groom every day, so when he twists his face up in that smirk, i want to put a sack over it. on top of it, he got injured at soccer sunday...full-force toe kick to the neck, and now we're going to run up some more doc bills making sure his head isn't going to fall off.
so when you ask me how may day went, even if you mean it in casual conversation, it's likely your'e going to get an earful. so, let me tell you...
as i sit in my car, the outside temperature ninetyfreakinfive degrees on a soccer field with no damn shade, i have not showered from work. this is relevant because, dear reader, as i went to cram the garbage down in a can so my doc could drop crud into it, a large cloud of dead skin poofed into my face and hair. thank gawd i had my mouth shut or i would have inhaled all that (working wound care has taught me to keep the trap closed during debridements), unfortunately, i had just applied fresh gloss, so about a fifth of that stuck to my lips. ACK ACK ACK!!! as quickly as i could leave the room (read oh fucking hell i was stuck there for another maybe five minutes, tears welling up as i stiffled back the spew), i ran to the station sink and splashed water on my face and towelled off. then turned to the mirror to discover debridement dandruff in my hair, like tiny flesh snowflakes. (can you see me making the bullfrog noise here? cuz it happened. in fact it's happening again right now).
THAT is how my day went...and that's only about ten minutes of it.
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