okay, so i've totally been cheating since i made the jump to facebook. it's just so much damn easier to barf out random brief funny than a whole page. but this is worth it!
since i only did a short word vomit on how this started, i will recap...
the she-child's best friend lives only a few blocks from us. nonetheless, i want to know where my kid is and whose house she is frequenting. good parenting, duh. so i asked her what her bff's parents' names were and what they did etc, etc. they are divorced and dad's name is______, who has a most unusual name and i'm certain that i know this man from a group of boys i used to hang out with in college.
well, dear readers, on halloween, i had shut the porch light off and damned if some little monsters didn't ring my doorbell around 930. i let it go, until it had been buzzed three times! i trop up the steps, clad in less undergarments than i should be for answering the door, in a practically see through tee and yoga pants. trick or treat to you! i fling open the door to unleash my inner witch and there stands she-child's bff...and the daddy. who is exactly who i thought he was. conversation commenced with my arms folded across my 36cs. most embarassing.
SO...yesterday, i receive a phone call from she-child. without expanding on what happened for sake of the story, let's just say the two girls had been involved in a traffic mishap and needed a ride home.
as this age-old friend and i stand in his garage wax poetic about how lucky the girls are to be mostly unhurt and very fortunate, said chiclets depart to play with bff's family pet. leaving the daddy and i to yammer. he interjects politely how great i look after all the years it's been since we've seen eachother. NOT at all insinuatory, just nice. then we giggle about some of the collegiate mishaps with old friends, which results him asking me what i remember about him hanging with our group. now, quite honestly, i was a wee bit innebriate for...oh...the first couple years i lived here. i hate nebraska, wanted to be back in PA where i had spent the summer. alcohol was my therapy. so, i gave him a truthful answer...not much. i remembered that he had come to lots of our house parties and maybe came to our pool once or twice.
bff's daddy gets a wicked smirk on his face and says, "so you don't remember making out with me more than a few times?"
oh dear. i'd like to die now. and i answered that just as truthfully: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Friday, November 9, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
Saturday, August 25, 2012
breakfast of champions!
since being diagnosed with celiac sprue (look it up) i have struggled finding things that, ahem, settle in my digestive system. so when i do, you are darn tootin' that i consume as much as i can.
so this particular morning, i am grubbing through the fridge, desperately wanting a bowl of cocco pebbles, but knowing it is absolutely NOT worth the hassle.and i happen upon last nite's leftover pork chops. nom nom nom. i sealed one in a ziplock baggie and went on my merry way.
after dropping the kids at school i find myself extroidinarily famished. dying even. and thinking the po' chop is looking mighty fine.
at the next stop light i snare it from the passenger seat, remove the plastic and gingerly wrap the baggie around it so as not to cover myself in meat juice. i continue to drive, gnoshing on my tasty chopsicile, happy as a clam. breakfast never tasted so fantastic.
until three bites in i drop the damn thing on the floor, under the gas pedal. i think i may have cried the rest of the way to work.
so this particular morning, i am grubbing through the fridge, desperately wanting a bowl of cocco pebbles, but knowing it is absolutely NOT worth the hassle.and i happen upon last nite's leftover pork chops. nom nom nom. i sealed one in a ziplock baggie and went on my merry way.
after dropping the kids at school i find myself extroidinarily famished. dying even. and thinking the po' chop is looking mighty fine.
at the next stop light i snare it from the passenger seat, remove the plastic and gingerly wrap the baggie around it so as not to cover myself in meat juice. i continue to drive, gnoshing on my tasty chopsicile, happy as a clam. breakfast never tasted so fantastic.
until three bites in i drop the damn thing on the floor, under the gas pedal. i think i may have cried the rest of the way to work.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
buhjizzles!
hi dear readers, i AM BACK. as in here, present and accounted for. also as in, where the hell have i been. lost my friends, i have been lost. (ps: if you'd like to know anything about the shitty stalking laws in nenbraska, or how difficult it is to obtain a protection order, ask me. and in a bloggy or two, we my talk about what it constitutes to be "nice"). but we'll save that for another time and swing you back into 'sarah' full throttle with some random beckypostings! most of this crap is my facebook statuses...enjoy!!!
So as we go to let the praying mantis "buddy" free, Dom hands me the jar and says "you get to mom". I say "oh, so you're saying you want it to jump on my face and not yours?" he giggles and says "yes. Your skin is older and rougher than mine and it won't scratch you up as much".
Damn if that thing didn't jump on me and turn me into a flailing idiot.
Sweet geezus the dog just shit in my bed. Not just shit but ran it thru a salad shooter across the bed and my clean laundry shit on my bed. Arrrrrrrrrgh
To the dick who shot thru the roundabout yield and had to take the curb to keep from t-boning me: my devil may care attitude and faith in the legal right of way is bigger than your suburban. Don't expect me to jam on my brakes because you can't follow traffic signs.
I was writing Dom's bday invites today and put "wear your swimsuit" on each one. Except one...which I wrote "wear your helmet". Doh!
It's probably inappropriate to get birthday party invites with a martini on them for the ten year old huh?
who in the hell sneezes themselves awake??? Effing who? Ouch Gawd damnit
Fantastic. Just discovered I've had my skivies on inside out all day. Id say that pretty much sums up my entire life lately
Just a start. or a warning. call it what you will. to quote sir elton, "the bitch is back!!!"
So as we go to let the praying mantis "buddy" free, Dom hands me the jar and says "you get to mom". I say "oh, so you're saying you want it to jump on my face and not yours?" he giggles and says "yes. Your skin is older and rougher than mine and it won't scratch you up as much".
Damn if that thing didn't jump on me and turn me into a flailing idiot.
Sweet geezus the dog just shit in my bed. Not just shit but ran it thru a salad shooter across the bed and my clean laundry shit on my bed. Arrrrrrrrrgh
To the dick who shot thru the roundabout yield and had to take the curb to keep from t-boning me: my devil may care attitude and faith in the legal right of way is bigger than your suburban. Don't expect me to jam on my brakes because you can't follow traffic signs.
I was writing Dom's bday invites today and put "wear your swimsuit" on each one. Except one...which I wrote "wear your helmet". Doh!
It's probably inappropriate to get birthday party invites with a martini on them for the ten year old huh?
who in the hell sneezes themselves awake??? Effing who? Ouch Gawd damnit
Fantastic. Just discovered I've had my skivies on inside out all day. Id say that pretty much sums up my entire life lately
Just a start. or a warning. call it what you will. to quote sir elton, "the bitch is back!!!"
Sunday, April 29, 2012
less than sarah
this is not a normal surviving sarah post. this is simply a time when i need to express myself and absolutley no one will understand but i have to "talk" about it because of all the feelings i have and i don't understand any of them. i have no witticisms, no quirky message, nothing that is even remotely funny to make anyone feel more at ease with their bipolar child or quips on how to deal with your equally crazy lives. i just need to go on with a bit of ororrhea and then be done.
the last couple weeks have been horrible. simply horrible. bailey's thyroid is completely screwed up again. her TSH is FIVE TIMES the normal limit and her goiter makes her look like a bullfrog. her T3 is "critically low". and she's failing algebra. as in a 48 failing. not to mention she is relentless on the bitch factor these days.
dominic. ugh. so the nurse practioner at the psych's office said he didn't think he had adhd and took him off his meds. put him on something for ocd. BACKFIRE. dominic had some kind of...i don't want to say breakdown, but i swear he had an allergic reaction to the stuff they put him on. all sorts of weird anxiety behaviors-like litterally picking all the skin of the ends of his fingers, plus a lot of verbal hostility. yes, the kid everyone calls "the good one". i officially was at my end and talked the NP into a different drug-one for anxiety and adhd. almost two weeks and he's show improvement. not fine, but better.
the dog. oh yes, we got a rescue dog. i love her. i do. but if she eats one more screen door/stuffed animal/roll of toilet paper...i will go cruella de vil on her and turn her into a coat.
and finally, the entire point of this pariticular conversation...if you know me well, or even follow me here, you know i am adopted. you also know that i have met my birth mother and that the end result was less than productive. there are positive things that i gained from it-like medical records, and family history, and getting to know my "aunt" linda and spend some time with her before she was diagnosed with cancer and died. and getting to know my "uncle" patrick and learn about his family, and the things he told me about her before she wasn't at her best.
after linda died and i went thru my divorce, i lost track of patrick. my birthmom and i only communicated thru my yearly birthday card and christmas cards. in the last couple years, i had gotten terrible about sending the christmas card. heck i don't send them to anyone anymore. there have been a number of times i picked up my birthday that she had sent me with her new address in it and thought about sending a "just because" letter...to let her know i'm okay, that the kids are growing, and that life is moving on. but i haven't. i also keep telling myself i need to write to patrick and his wife and see how they are doing. while my birthmom is more than left of center, her sister and brother are really amazing people.
so last week in the midst of all this crap that's going on, i think, hey! i wonder if patrick is on facebook! gawd bless facebook, social wonder that it is...and isn't. so i look him up and sure enough, he is! friend request sent. and astonishingly, answered rather quickly. i was so pleased as i was worried that after a few years, he might think i was encroaching on his privacy. but no, he was so welcoming. and then queries that i must have heard the news.
news? no. no news.
we had a phone conversation the next day. unfortunately it was interupted by real rush hour traffic for him. but the jist is this...my mother is obese. short and squat. and of poor health-linda had shared some of her habits with me and none were good. contact with a physician? not in years. now, this is where the traffic part comes in, and patrick had to get off the phone. but not before he got to tell me that my birth mom has died. last fall.
now as i'm typing this, i find myself tearing up, just like i did as i hung up with him. i think i said "oh..." and i know i said something "gosh i'm so sorry". part of me is so sad. for him and his brother who have lost both their sisters. for kathy, who, if my math is right, was only 58 or 59, as she was just nineteen when she had me. and let me tell you, for as nutty as she acted with me in the recent past, i consider her to be very brave and fantastic for doing what she did and bringing me into the world. especially since her original intentions were quite different. i don't know if i've mentioned it, but she went in for a consult for an abortion with the doctor who wound up delivering me. in my opinion, there are much easier routes that a young, unwed, pregnant girl in the seventies can take. the doc somehow talked her into carrying and giving me up for adoption to a nice couple he was treating for fertility issues. for all she had become, i find her extrodinarily courageous.
and i'm a little sad for me. but i don't even know why. and on the other hand, i feel terribly guilty that i don't feel more. i mean, i barely had any relationship with this woman because of the lunacy that followed our initial meeting. but she was the reason i even am. so i feel like i should feel so much more at the news of her untimely death. this also has pushed me into somewhat of an identity crisis. i'm not even sure i'm supposed to feel, and that makes me feel worse.
so here i sit, in complete confusion. feeling a little beaten down, more than frustrated, and kind of alone.
the last couple weeks have been horrible. simply horrible. bailey's thyroid is completely screwed up again. her TSH is FIVE TIMES the normal limit and her goiter makes her look like a bullfrog. her T3 is "critically low". and she's failing algebra. as in a 48 failing. not to mention she is relentless on the bitch factor these days.
dominic. ugh. so the nurse practioner at the psych's office said he didn't think he had adhd and took him off his meds. put him on something for ocd. BACKFIRE. dominic had some kind of...i don't want to say breakdown, but i swear he had an allergic reaction to the stuff they put him on. all sorts of weird anxiety behaviors-like litterally picking all the skin of the ends of his fingers, plus a lot of verbal hostility. yes, the kid everyone calls "the good one". i officially was at my end and talked the NP into a different drug-one for anxiety and adhd. almost two weeks and he's show improvement. not fine, but better.
the dog. oh yes, we got a rescue dog. i love her. i do. but if she eats one more screen door/stuffed animal/roll of toilet paper...i will go cruella de vil on her and turn her into a coat.
and finally, the entire point of this pariticular conversation...if you know me well, or even follow me here, you know i am adopted. you also know that i have met my birth mother and that the end result was less than productive. there are positive things that i gained from it-like medical records, and family history, and getting to know my "aunt" linda and spend some time with her before she was diagnosed with cancer and died. and getting to know my "uncle" patrick and learn about his family, and the things he told me about her before she wasn't at her best.
after linda died and i went thru my divorce, i lost track of patrick. my birthmom and i only communicated thru my yearly birthday card and christmas cards. in the last couple years, i had gotten terrible about sending the christmas card. heck i don't send them to anyone anymore. there have been a number of times i picked up my birthday that she had sent me with her new address in it and thought about sending a "just because" letter...to let her know i'm okay, that the kids are growing, and that life is moving on. but i haven't. i also keep telling myself i need to write to patrick and his wife and see how they are doing. while my birthmom is more than left of center, her sister and brother are really amazing people.
so last week in the midst of all this crap that's going on, i think, hey! i wonder if patrick is on facebook! gawd bless facebook, social wonder that it is...and isn't. so i look him up and sure enough, he is! friend request sent. and astonishingly, answered rather quickly. i was so pleased as i was worried that after a few years, he might think i was encroaching on his privacy. but no, he was so welcoming. and then queries that i must have heard the news.
news? no. no news.
we had a phone conversation the next day. unfortunately it was interupted by real rush hour traffic for him. but the jist is this...my mother is obese. short and squat. and of poor health-linda had shared some of her habits with me and none were good. contact with a physician? not in years. now, this is where the traffic part comes in, and patrick had to get off the phone. but not before he got to tell me that my birth mom has died. last fall.
now as i'm typing this, i find myself tearing up, just like i did as i hung up with him. i think i said "oh..." and i know i said something "gosh i'm so sorry". part of me is so sad. for him and his brother who have lost both their sisters. for kathy, who, if my math is right, was only 58 or 59, as she was just nineteen when she had me. and let me tell you, for as nutty as she acted with me in the recent past, i consider her to be very brave and fantastic for doing what she did and bringing me into the world. especially since her original intentions were quite different. i don't know if i've mentioned it, but she went in for a consult for an abortion with the doctor who wound up delivering me. in my opinion, there are much easier routes that a young, unwed, pregnant girl in the seventies can take. the doc somehow talked her into carrying and giving me up for adoption to a nice couple he was treating for fertility issues. for all she had become, i find her extrodinarily courageous.
and i'm a little sad for me. but i don't even know why. and on the other hand, i feel terribly guilty that i don't feel more. i mean, i barely had any relationship with this woman because of the lunacy that followed our initial meeting. but she was the reason i even am. so i feel like i should feel so much more at the news of her untimely death. this also has pushed me into somewhat of an identity crisis. i'm not even sure i'm supposed to feel, and that makes me feel worse.
so here i sit, in complete confusion. feeling a little beaten down, more than frustrated, and kind of alone.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I'm BAAAAAAACK!!!
so, obviously i've been on some sort of hiatus. you can read that as "my lame ass gave up on blogging for a while". i don't know why. things have been hectic, but that's not new. it was suggested to me that i'm happier when i'm writing, which is true. and then, twice in three days, i was told, unsolicited in conversation, mind you, that i am an excellent writer. that i could make a living doing this. i have never been more flattered!
i have SO MANY tales to regale-life has been an epic whirlwind this year. however, since i have been such a derlict lately, i figure it is going to take a whamo of a blog to suck some of you back in. so i shall pull from the depths, one of my favorites, involving some of my favorite people...the early childhood education folks. :)
in 2001 i was set to turn thrity, which for me was a no big deal birthday. the day before, i started a new job. in my former life, i was a very successful early childhood education director. i also, was known for being a bit of a hatchetman. a lot of facilities had hired me to come in and "clean up" their programming and staff-i was renouned for quality program and the ability to turn profit in even the shoddiest of care programs. my reputation preceeded me and any time i was hired on, staff members knew change was in the air. that reputation included being a hard-ass, but also being a consistent and fair boss, with a great sense of decency...and a twisted sense of humor.
now, i was absolutely floored when i arrived on my second day and my office was decorated and the whole center was wishing me happiness. apparently the owners had leaked to everyone so that i would feel loved. it probably was in the top two birthdays i've had as an adult-the other being the grand pink spectacular last year. i was just completely enamoured with the thought that these teachers gave their all to me without knowing me...and knowing my reputation and what i was really there for.
so the birthday was awesome and got me started off with a different respect for this new staff. although i swept broad and fast on changes, the ebb and flow was smoother than usual, and much easier than i expected. it was a different environment quickly, not to mention that after briefly reinterviewing for their positions, there were several teachers i could tell were keepers.
so maybe in my third week, two of those gals that i had mentally tapped as future leaders/supervisors came to my office and asked if i had a minute. one who would become one of my most favorites ever, cady, was holding a dora backpack. i was working on the badly neglected food program and really welcomed the break, so i shuffled them in. cady begins telling me about the two year old room's show and share time-their process was that all the kiddos would grab their pack and dump the share items they had brought from home in the middle of the circle, then each child would be called to retrieve his or her item and talk about it. cady tells me how today only about half the kids have stuff, and the pile wasn't very large. a wee one named lara dumped her baggie and cady and her co-teacher weren't quite sure how to handle the contents.
i'm listening to all this intently, as this is the first time any of the staff had approached me to handle a classroom problem. all the other times, changes or issues had been intiated by me. so when cady says "i just do not know what should be done about this", i smile and say "so what did lara bring?"
cady unzips the dora pack and turns it upside down on my desk. out rolls the biggest, purplest dildo i have ever seen in my life. not only does it start buzzing when it hits the desk, but presumes to switch it self automatically to different speeds, quivering itself across my state-funded program paperwork.
i simply sit back in my chair, look at cady and say that i'll call the parents and handle it. cady said something like "how do i even give this back to her mom?" and i smile and reassure her that i've got it covered and just to go back to her class. cady thanks me and trots out of my office. and i sit back again, then stand to capture it with the dora pack.
suddenly, i hear uproarious laughter outside my door. cady and a few other teachers are standing there gasping for air. a couple of them say how they can't believe how calm i was and straight faced. cady is dying-the gag was all her idea and very carefully planned out. she said they could possibly believe that i was as cool and collected as they'd heard, and that she was impressed. and at that point i completely lost it and it took me a while to stop laughing. "hey," i said, " you never know what some kid is going to fish out of their hidey hole to bring to show and share. gotta be prepared."
i have SO MANY tales to regale-life has been an epic whirlwind this year. however, since i have been such a derlict lately, i figure it is going to take a whamo of a blog to suck some of you back in. so i shall pull from the depths, one of my favorites, involving some of my favorite people...the early childhood education folks. :)
in 2001 i was set to turn thrity, which for me was a no big deal birthday. the day before, i started a new job. in my former life, i was a very successful early childhood education director. i also, was known for being a bit of a hatchetman. a lot of facilities had hired me to come in and "clean up" their programming and staff-i was renouned for quality program and the ability to turn profit in even the shoddiest of care programs. my reputation preceeded me and any time i was hired on, staff members knew change was in the air. that reputation included being a hard-ass, but also being a consistent and fair boss, with a great sense of decency...and a twisted sense of humor.
now, i was absolutely floored when i arrived on my second day and my office was decorated and the whole center was wishing me happiness. apparently the owners had leaked to everyone so that i would feel loved. it probably was in the top two birthdays i've had as an adult-the other being the grand pink spectacular last year. i was just completely enamoured with the thought that these teachers gave their all to me without knowing me...and knowing my reputation and what i was really there for.
so the birthday was awesome and got me started off with a different respect for this new staff. although i swept broad and fast on changes, the ebb and flow was smoother than usual, and much easier than i expected. it was a different environment quickly, not to mention that after briefly reinterviewing for their positions, there were several teachers i could tell were keepers.
so maybe in my third week, two of those gals that i had mentally tapped as future leaders/supervisors came to my office and asked if i had a minute. one who would become one of my most favorites ever, cady, was holding a dora backpack. i was working on the badly neglected food program and really welcomed the break, so i shuffled them in. cady begins telling me about the two year old room's show and share time-their process was that all the kiddos would grab their pack and dump the share items they had brought from home in the middle of the circle, then each child would be called to retrieve his or her item and talk about it. cady tells me how today only about half the kids have stuff, and the pile wasn't very large. a wee one named lara dumped her baggie and cady and her co-teacher weren't quite sure how to handle the contents.
i'm listening to all this intently, as this is the first time any of the staff had approached me to handle a classroom problem. all the other times, changes or issues had been intiated by me. so when cady says "i just do not know what should be done about this", i smile and say "so what did lara bring?"
cady unzips the dora pack and turns it upside down on my desk. out rolls the biggest, purplest dildo i have ever seen in my life. not only does it start buzzing when it hits the desk, but presumes to switch it self automatically to different speeds, quivering itself across my state-funded program paperwork.
i simply sit back in my chair, look at cady and say that i'll call the parents and handle it. cady said something like "how do i even give this back to her mom?" and i smile and reassure her that i've got it covered and just to go back to her class. cady thanks me and trots out of my office. and i sit back again, then stand to capture it with the dora pack.
suddenly, i hear uproarious laughter outside my door. cady and a few other teachers are standing there gasping for air. a couple of them say how they can't believe how calm i was and straight faced. cady is dying-the gag was all her idea and very carefully planned out. she said they could possibly believe that i was as cool and collected as they'd heard, and that she was impressed. and at that point i completely lost it and it took me a while to stop laughing. "hey," i said, " you never know what some kid is going to fish out of their hidey hole to bring to show and share. gotta be prepared."
Saturday, August 6, 2011
blog blog pollywog
okay, i am ultra uber pissed at this day so be patient with me. tonite, i am supposed to be at gay cabarret (yes it's exactly what it sounds like) with dear old friends from college, who might i add are in from houston, but after checking the bank books, i've found that those two extra unplanned trips to o-town at $76 per tank have pretty much bankrupted me. so not only am i missing that, but i missed huny on his way out so i can't hitch a ride to watch him race. AND there's no food in the house so i am reduced to eating a tomato sammich-which normally i would relish and crave, but tonite just seems like poor folks' food. this is my last kid-free nite (the spawn have been with the grandparents for almost a month) and i really expected that i would finish off my mini-vaca with a bit more of a bang. frizzle.
but, this kind of goes with everything that has happened this week. last nite, huny and i went to planet of the apes-great flick, worth theatre money. funny thing is, our town had some little lightening strikes last nite that surged power in the theatre...forcing the movie to stop on five separate occasions. now i'm patient (snicker) so we sat as it took fifteen minutes each time to restart it...especially since they promised us free passes at the end. well worth it as i had no where else to be, because prior to that, our race got rained out...after huny had taken the car out and gotten all prepped up.
right now, i'm debating cleaning the basement and dealing with the laundry because my house is starting to look like an episode of hoarders. i'm sure the kids (and my mom) think that i've spent their entire period of absence cleaning and being a domestic slave. fat chance...i leave this poo til the last minute possible and speed wash the entire house. i'm thinking of covering it all in linoleum so that i can just hose it off five minutes before everyone gets home. as you can tell, that may be necessary, as i've managed to find something else to do instead of the chores at hand. :)
so, i'm desparately trying to be bloggerific and am coming up with some creative reading so i don't bore all of us to death, and so that my kids come home to dirty skivies...
but, this kind of goes with everything that has happened this week. last nite, huny and i went to planet of the apes-great flick, worth theatre money. funny thing is, our town had some little lightening strikes last nite that surged power in the theatre...forcing the movie to stop on five separate occasions. now i'm patient (snicker) so we sat as it took fifteen minutes each time to restart it...especially since they promised us free passes at the end. well worth it as i had no where else to be, because prior to that, our race got rained out...after huny had taken the car out and gotten all prepped up.
right now, i'm debating cleaning the basement and dealing with the laundry because my house is starting to look like an episode of hoarders. i'm sure the kids (and my mom) think that i've spent their entire period of absence cleaning and being a domestic slave. fat chance...i leave this poo til the last minute possible and speed wash the entire house. i'm thinking of covering it all in linoleum so that i can just hose it off five minutes before everyone gets home. as you can tell, that may be necessary, as i've managed to find something else to do instead of the chores at hand. :)
so, i'm desparately trying to be bloggerific and am coming up with some creative reading so i don't bore all of us to death, and so that my kids come home to dirty skivies...
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