now, far be it for me to bash childhood icons, but this year i am pissed at santa. granted, i am the one limping it along for the eight year old, but it seems he has me out witted.
the boy has asked me for an additional pet for months. apparently the fuzzy bitches aren't living up to their snuggle potential. all this time i have empahtically said "NO". so, my sweet lovely child writes his letter to santa this christmas and includes "i have been very good at taking care of the cats. i feed them every day. and even thou my mom says she won't get one, i would like you to bring me a fish". well shit balls. do i tell him santa isn't real or suck it and have an aquatic creepie under the tree christmas morning? yeah, you guessed it.
and he LOVED it. LOVED LOVED LOVED it. named it irvin, which actually means water (he put some thought into this). and when we went away for new year's weekend, he bought him a food disk.
now, irvin was alive when we got home. and the next morning. but that night while my boy is in the tub, the girl brings me the bowl...with a lifeless floater...and hisses "REPLACE HIM" damn it. knowing that this will absolutley destroy the child who spends time reading to the bowl, huny and i quickly run to walmart to replace the corpse.
not a one of those suckers look like irvin. there is one who is the same colors, only his orange, silver and black are on the top instead of on the belly, and this fish, i'm not kidding you here, is maybe only about a third the size. i am in freak out mode by now, not wanting to deal with the breakdown that will occur if he finds out his pet is dead. huny points out, the boy really only saw the fish for about fifteen hours before taking off to gramma's for the week, then going for the new years excursion. oofta. so we buy the not even close to the original irvin 2 and slip him into the bowl before dom can notice he's gone.
amazingly, it works. dominic is so unfamiliar with irvin 1, that irvin 2 flies under the radar for about a week. dom reads to him, spends time sitting and staring at the bowl, and talks to irvin 2.
then, the boy presents this quandary to me...
"mom, do you think irvin is okay?"
"ummm, he looks fine. why do you ask?"
"i don't know mom. i don't think he eats while i'm gone. he looks like he's lost weight."
update...irvin 2 expired a couple weeks ago and the bawling ensued...for three days. however, as usual, i lost it in laughter due to some of the statements made by the crying boy. the best? "i can't believe irvin died...i still had so many plans with him."
ReplyDeletewe now own a gerbil, named lou. why "lou" i asked. "well i used the names speedy and rocky for the fish, so lou is the next choice mom". why of course dominic...