buhjizzles!

hi dear readers, i AM BACK. as in here, present and accounted for. also as in, where the hell have i been. lost my friends, i have been lost. (ps: if you'd like to know anything about the shitty stalking laws in nenbraska, or how difficult it is to obtain a protection order, ask me. and in a bloggy or two, we my talk about what it constitutes to be "nice"). but we'll save that for another time and swing you back into 'sarah' full throttle with some random beckypostings! most of this crap is my facebook statuses...enjoy!!!

So as we go to let the praying mantis "buddy" free, Dom hands me the jar and says "you get to mom". I say "oh, so you're saying you want it to jump on my face and not yours?" he giggles and says "yes. Your skin is older and rougher than mine and it won't scratch you up as much".
Damn if that thing didn't jump on me and turn me into a flailing idiot.

Sweet geezus the dog just shit in my bed. Not just shit but ran it thru a salad shooter across the bed and my clean laundry shit on my bed. Arrrrrrrrrgh

To the dick who shot thru the roundabout yield and had to take the curb to keep from t-boning me: my devil may care attitude and faith in the legal right of way is bigger than your suburban. Don't expect me to jam on my brakes because you can't follow traffic signs.

Bah. While shaving, and errant strand (read chunk) of my hair fell in the razor's path. I now have layers in part of my do. I can see where this day is going. Pisser!

Just saw a sign outside a kansas church that said "god warned noah. Did he warn your family? Its like "you deserved to drown, sorry your socks are wet". Yikes

hmmmm....the friends in my head say majority rules...i'm out numbered

the mean girl in me wants to pitch a hissy and do damage. the rest of us are holding her down and duct-taping her hands and mouth. she's such a problem...

Some people have gotten too big for their britches...and others have simply crammed them up their bums, along with their heads

"You can figure out how to program the car to display your name on the presets but can't find the odometer and gas mileage???" Priorities (dipshit). Priorities

Yesterday I got to clean up poo...I wonder what today will bring :S

Buzz! Wrong answer!!!

The advantage of kids being gone ...drumsticks for breakfast every day :)

(insert dipshit's name here)says it might be a good idea to put the drumsticks in a vending machine so I have to pay to eat them and it might slow me down...in the meantime, I better have one for breakfast...

Mouse in my house! Mouse in my house! Gak gak gak!!!

Wishes you could swat annoying people the way you do flies

Oh. My. Gawd. Something in the garage smells positiviely death on a stick foul. Bullfrog noise )~(

Dear talladega nights baby jesus please keep me from pummeling the crap out of the the idiots driving cars in lincoln today

Dear birthday faerie, you are being a shithead this year. Make with the prezzies and stop with the gaggifts you squishyfaced biotch. Much luv, becky

Chele says I need to update my status...I choose "whatthefuckever"

I was writing Dom's bday invites today and put "wear your swimsuit" on each one. Except one...which I wrote "wear your helmet". Doh!

It's probably inappropriate to get birthday party invites with a martini on them for the ten year old huh?

who in the hell sneezes themselves awake??? Effing who? Ouch Gawd damnit

Fantastic. Just discovered I've had my skivies on inside out all day. Id say that pretty much sums up my entire life lately

Just a start. or a warning. call it what you will. to quote sir elton, "the bitch is back!!!"